


your touch burned me

by lionlannister



Category: Constantine (TV)
Genre: M/M, first time fic, making up a backstory since we don't have one for the show yet fight me, well their first time together not in general
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 04:51:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3161906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionlannister/pseuds/lionlannister
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chas touches him like he's breakable but doesn't know that John's already been shattered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your touch burned me

John was nineteen and high, he couldn’t remember exactly what he’d smoked or taken but he was laughing and smiling and Gaz had just fallen off the bar so that made him laugh so hard he nearly fell off himself but Chas had wrapped an arm around his waist to stop him him and John grinned at him and made a bad joke about how they had to stop meeting like this even though Chas had been there for a few hours now. Actually Chas had been hanging out with them for months and hadn’t yet really told him why he was in the country yet, not that John had been digging too hard to find out. 

It had been two weeks since Chas had kissed him, they were both drunk but Chas was sober enough to put a hand on John’s cheek and push him back when John started to pull him back to the bed and he smiled at John and told him he was going to sleep on the torn up piece of shit couch John had stolen from someone’s shed. The flat itself wasn’t even his, he was just squatting but Chas had brought him here instead of too his actual place, the kind he paid for, but John had been too drunk to get home so Chas brought him back. Chas kissed him. And Chas slept on the couch. It didn’t make sense to him, none of it did, the way Chas looked at him like he was special and when he kissed him it had been with his hands just barely resting on his waist, no pulling or tugging or sharp edges. 

“You wanna get outta here? Can you make it back okay?” Chas was worried, he always seemed to be worried when he looked at John, he couldn’t tell if it was endearing or fucking annoying. Right now he was high enough that it was endearing and also he was fucking bored. He’s pretty sure he didn’t actually speak, just nodded before grabbing his jacket and flipping off Gary as a way of saying goodbye, Chas was beside him the entire time and watched him out of the corner of his eye. “Come back to my place, it’s closer.” He didn’t fight him on that, it was closer and also he could take a hot shower. 

It was a short walk and John spent the entire time hopping between leaning against Chas to keep upright and running ahead of him and laughing when Chas finally caught up with him. 

John was kissing him before they even got in the door and Chas was letting him, he closed the door behind them and wrapped an arm, jesus his arms were so fucking strong, around John and held him tightly against his chest. Even the way he gripped him was different from other people, like he wasn’t doing it just to fuck him but like he wanted to make sure that John knew he was wanted. He didn’t know how to be wanted, so he ignored that feeling in his stomach and just gripped Chas until the fell onto the bed with Chas on top of him. The older man didn’t stop him until John had pulled his shirt over his head and was running his hands down the skin of his chest and even then it seemed to take him a lot more effort than it had before. 

He rolled off of John and sat up on the bed, looking him over with wide eyes and his lips red and wet, his hand was resting close to John on the bed and seemed to be slowly moving towards him again. “What’s the deal? You want to fuck me and I want to fuck you, why d’you keep pulling away?” Chas grinned at him and kissed him once more before getting off the bed and leaving John alone.  
“I don’t want to sleep with you when you’re high.” Like it was simple, like he should have figured that out long ago and Chas didn’t understand why he would even question that. “Take a shower, I’ll make you some food.” And then he was out of the bedroom and John thought about leaving, it wasn’t like it would be that hard for him to find somewhere else to stay and he never knew what to do around Chas, not that he really acted differently when they were out with his friends. But when they were alone? It was like Chas wanted to be kind to him and John didn’t know what to do with kindness like that.

But instead he forced himself off the bed and showered until his body could stand upright without any problems and he could smell whatever Chas was cooking from the bathroom. There was a clean towel on the sink and he wrapped it around his waist and nearly stepped on the pair of sweatpants Chas had left by the door for him to wear. They were huge on him and really there was no way he was going to be able to walk in these because Chas was at least six inches taller than him and John had to roll the cuffs of the bottoms up to stop himself from tripping over them. He had to keep the waist in his hand to keep it from falling off of him and if the way Chas looked at him when he walked out of his room was any indication that may have been intentional. 

“I, uh…” His voice trailed off as he looked at John and it wasn’t until John raised his brows and smirked at him that Chas turned back to the food he was making. “It’s just pasta.” His skin was flushed red and if John had been even more cruel than he was already he would have let the pants drop to the ground but he was thinking that maybe it was the sight of him in pants that belonged to Chas that was making him react like that. “Sorry, I didn’t have anything smaller.” John shrugged, his tongue was starting to feel heavy and he knew he was about to come down, sitting down at the table Chas directed him too. 

He wanted to ask him why he was doing this, why Chas looked at him like that but then there was a plate of food in front of him and John realized he hadn’t eaten all day and he went into the food like he was starving, mostly he was but he could usually pretend otherwise. They didn’t really talk while they ate, well mostly Chas didn’t eat he just watched John and made sure he got as much food as he wanted. 

“I’ll take the couch.” John expected him to say that and shook his head before the sentence was even done. If he was going to stay here without Chas even wanting to sleep with him then he would at least sleep on the couch. 

John got up from the table before Chas could argue with him and threw himself down on to the couch. “Nah, it’s your ‘ouse, mate, I’ll sleep here.” And be gone before Chas woke up. He should have known it wouldn’t be that easy, Chas was too good of a guy to just let it go at that and John sometimes hated him for it, he was good and kind and John would take those parts of him and break them into pieces. 

“No.” That was it. Just. No. It made John angry that he thought he could use such simple things to get John to agree with him. He sat up quickly and regretted it immediately, his body coming down and his anger was not a good combination. 

He didn’t get off the couch but he did sit on the arm of the chair so he was almost as tall as Chas was when he was sitting on the normal part. “That’s bullshit, why are you always doin’ that? It’s your bed just fuckin’ sleep in it, alright?” Chas rolled his eyes a little bit before standing up and turning towards the room, for a moment John felt triumphant, thinking he’d finally won a round. 

“Fine, we’ll share the bed. Just sleeping.” Chas held out a hand for him and John narrowed his eyes at him but accepted. The couch wasn’t nearly as comfortable as his bed. When John got into the bed he was facing Chas but when Chas turned over to look at him he couldn’t stand the weight of his eyes and he rolled over onto the other side, he pretended he didn’t hear the way Chas sighed. 

When John fell asleep he was curled tightly in on himself and as far from Chas as he could get, no single part of them was touching but he could still feel his body heat across the bed and he wanted to get closer to him, Chas felt safe. 

But when they woke up it was different, the first thing John felt was Chas’ hand on his stomach and his slow breathing on his neck. They were pressed together, John was on his back and Chas was on his side with one hand resting on the side of John’s stomach, their legs tangled together and Chas’ forehead pressed to his temple. 

And Chas’ erection pressing into his thigh. 

John tried to move away from carefully, not wanting to wake the larger man, but the second he started to slip off the bed the hand on him tightened and he was pulled back into Chas’ warmth. "Stay." There it was again, the one word answer that had made him fight Chas the night before but now he didn't, not he let himself be pulled close and held tightly in a way that he couldn't ever remember being held. "You're warm." He offered that as an explination even as he turned John on his side and rubbed himself against the crook of his ass and moaned breathily. 

"And you're hard." Chas laughed at that and reached his arm down to touch John's erection and held him tightly when he started to press into his hand. 

"So are you," he replied and released his grip on John enough that he could roll over and press John down into the mattress, chest to chest. "Is this okay?"

John would have laughed at the question except Chas looked so earnest that he couldn't make himself do anything except reach up and wrap a hand around the back and his neck and pulled him down for a kiss and spread his legs to let Chas rest between them. Thankfully he took that as a yes and kissed him back, not bothered by what John was sure was truly terrible morning breath. Chas smiled into the kiss and when he pulled away he didn't look he was going to leave him in the bed, just like he wanted to remember what John looked like right now.

Chas' hands were on him but there was no urgency in the way he moved his fingers over the skin of his chest and sides even when John gasped out at the feeling of his rough fingers ghosting over his nipples, he really hadn't known he was sensitive there. He kept all of his touches light and gentle, more teasing than actual touching, and just when John was starting to become frustrated Chas kissed him again, moving from his mouth to his jawline in slow deliberate moves. 

John's breath hitched when Chas' hips pressed against him and he could feel the entire length of his erection pressing against his own and John latched into his shoulders and Chas pulled away, a look of concern in his eyes. "Are you okay?" John couldn't speak, there was too much affection in his eyes and his hands were too gentle, all he could do was nod. Chas set up on his knees and brought his hands to the waist of the sweats John wore, they had ridden down in his sleep and showed his prominent hip bones and Chas leaned down to kiss both of them, John couldn't breathe because of how soft he was being with them and he knew his hands were shaking but he fisted them in the sheets to try and hide it but of course Chas noticed, it took John until that moment to realize that Chas always seemed to notice everything, he reached up and took one of John's hand in his own and moved from between his legs to push John's pants down and he watched his face the entire time to see if John ever looked uncomfortable for even a moment. He didn't. Or at least not in a conventional way. 

John just kept waiting for his hands to turn rough or his grin to turn into a smirk but they never did, the grip on his hip was soothing and his thumb rubbed circles in the skin there. It was too much and not enough at the same time, he couldn't decide if he wanted to run from him or fall into him and he settled for pushing Chas' pants off of him and groaning when they're lips met again. He hasn't bothered to put on a shirt after last night and John touched as much of him as he could, running his nails down his back and smirking when Chas hissed his name out.This was further then Chas had let them get the few times they’d been together before and maybe he was right, maybe it was good that John wasn’t high because if he had been he would have shoved him away and run. He still couldn’t look at Chas for long, couldn’t handle his eyes because it made him feel like he was going to be crushed under the weight of them. The dark haired man rolled slightly to the side and dug in the drawer beside his bed, tossing what he found on the bed. John sat up on his elbows and grinned at him when he saw the lube and condom. “You finally gonna actually screw me?” John grinned and Chas watched him for a moment.

“Only if you want me too.” His voice was so serious and soft like he was afraid of scaring him off and maybe he was, maybe he honestly just want John to feel safe. That was the first time anyone cared about that and John couldn’t even reply, couldn’t manage to tell him that he’d been thinking about this for weeks and sometimes when he went home with other people he imagined them being Chas, not that he would ever tell him that. 

He nodded again to answer Chas but when the man didn’t move towards him he knew that he wouldn’t make another move until John managed to find his voice again. “Yes, yes, I want you too.” Chas was on him again after that and kissing him like he wanted to breathe him in and got back between his legs and pressed a finger into him, smiling against John’s neck at the soft sound he made. 

Only when his finger was in fully did Chas look at his face again and John was surprised to see the hunger there, it wasn’t gentle hunger but he kept his body still and didn’t move until John glared at him and pushed himself up so he could rock onto his finger. Chas groaned and pulled his finger out before slowly pushing it back into him. He had one arm one the bed supporting his weight. Leaning over him Chas kissed him gently and when he moved from his lips John arched his neck up, trying to drag him back into a kiss and when Chas smiled at him he couldn’t breathe for a second, he wanted to know exactly why Chas thought he deserved those smiles. “Okay?” He kept asking him. Kept being afraid for him. Kept caring about him. It made John shake. 

“Yes, fuck, more.” Chas pushed two finger into him slowly and stopped whenever John tensed, looking at his face the entire time and when John relaxed he pushed into him more, kissing him when John groaned out his name. “I’m not made of glass, y’know?” He hoped that would spur him into action and stop treating him like he deserved softness. 

It didn’t. 

“I know,” even the way he said it was kind, John couldn’t stand to look at him anymore even as he continued to push himself back onto his fingers and his breathing grew heavy. “I just...I want to make you feel good.” That made his mouth run dey, the idea that someone, anyone, cared enough about him to put his comfort first and wanted to make him feel good before taking care of themselves, it was foreign and it made his hand dig into Chas’ hair hard enough that he hissed but he needed something to ground himself in and Chas didn’t complain, just moved to kiss below his ear and if John listened to him he would hear him whispering about how he just wanted John to feel safe and like Chas cared about him. He knew that, always knew that, but hearing it was different and feeling it was a world of its own. 

It was only when John was biting his lip to keep from begging him that Chas pushed another finger into him with the same slow passion that had ruled them this entire time. John closed his eyes and moaned, making sure Chas could see he was enjoying this, arching off the bed just a little bit John couldn’t help the way he said Chas’ name like a prayer. The dark haired man has his mouth pressed again John’s neck and he separated his fingers inside him, trying to stretch him open so he wouldn’t hurt him. John’s chest was slick with sweat and when Chas’ fingers grazed against his prostate he nearly shouted and moved one of his hands to grip his own ignored cock and tried to keep his hand in time with Chas’ fingers moving inside him.

“Next time I’m going to suck you off until you can’t even see straight.” That wasn’t a thing people said to him, or, well, it was but they didn’t mean it, Chas meant it and John could tell without even looking at him. It wasn’t a blow off like people usually did. That wasn’t Chas telling him it was fun and they should do it again sometime. He was making a promise. A promise that John wasn’t sure he wanted him to keep, not because it would be bad but because he didn’t think he could handle anymore of Chas touching him so gently. John shuddered under him and nodded in agreement, everything about this terrified him and John Constantine did not like being scared, he was aching for him and afraid of him at the same time. 

Chas pulled away from him and John nearly whimpered at the loss of contact but he sat up on his elbows to watch Chas roll a condom on himself and putting lube onto himself before he settled back between John’s legs, switching the arm he was holding himself up with, stretching out the arm he had been using with a grin. “You ready?” No matter how much lust there was in his smile and his eyes he couldn’t hide the care in his voice. And John couldn’t hide the way he shook even his he nodded his head. Chas’ free hand went up to his cheek to make him look in his eyes while he pushed into him and even as his mouth fell open and he cursed at how John felt under him and around him, he kept the eye contact and John couldn’t breathe until Chas let go of him and ran his hand soothingly down the side of John’s chest could he force himself to take in air again. 

He moved in shallow soft thrusts while they both got used to the feeling of Chas being inside of him, John wrapped an arm around his shoulders and held him close, close enough that Chas couldn’t meet his eyes again without going cross eyed. Chas’ hand traveled to wear John had let his hand fall while he grabbed onto the blanket and he wrapped his fingers around John’s, putting his arm above his head and squeezing it once before he let him go and trailing his fingers down John’s arm and chest until he could grip onto his waist as he pushed into him completely and he stayed just as he was for a moment and John couldn’t tell if it was for his benefit or for Chas’. “Fuck,” Chas’ voice was strangled and the hand holding onto John’s waist grew tighter for just a moment before he was pulling out of him and pushing back in just as slowly as he had before. “Okay?” He could barely talk above a whisper and he still made sure to ask if John was okay, he thought about hitting him upside the head but instead he whined out a yes and tangled his fingers in Chas’ hair and pulled him down for a kiss. 

Chas is moving faster now, pulling out and pressing into him quickly but never growing rough or demanding. 

Normally John was talkative in bed, he liked to tease and push and talk dirty to his partners and he liked when they did that back but with Chas he could barely open his mouth to do anything but moan and say he was okay. Chas let go of his hip to wrap his fingers around his cock where John had been touching himself and listened to the way his voice caught carefully, taking note of when he was enjoying himself the most and repeating the gesture until John was writhing under him and wrapped his legs around his waist and fucked himself onto Chas. “More, please.” 

Chas nodded and kissed him again, thrusting in and out of him with more force but kept his eyes on John’s face and it was too much for him, the combination of Chas inside of him hitting exactly where he wanted to, his hand moving quickly along his erection and Chas looking at him like he was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen made him cry out and arch his back so their chest were connecting at every point. He came with a cry of Chas’ name and his eyes meeting the other man’s for a moment longer then he thought he could manage before he had to look away again even as Chas asked him to look at him. 

John couldn’t look at him but he could drag both of his fingers into Chas’ hair to pull him to his lips and kiss him while his rhythm faltered and he gripped his almost tight enough that John was used to it as he came. 

He hovered over John for a moment, just breathing and looking at him like he was afraid if he looked away John would run. He might. He probably would. When he did roll off of him John was immediately mourning the loss of his heat and touch. Chas got off the bed after kissing him again and went into the bathroom for a towel to clean him up. Even that he did gently, wiping off John’s stomach and tossing the towel to the side. Once he was done John sat up and turned away from him, searching for where he’d dropped his clothing the night before. 

“You can stay.” His voice was right behind John and then there was an arm around his waist, pulling him back to rest on Chas’ chest and for a minute he let himself imagine what it would be like to let himself stay like this but then he pulled away so Chas wouldn’t be able to feel how hard he was shaking. 

John got off the bed without a word and finished getting dressed keeping his eyes on the floor and not on Chas. “I can’t. I’ll see you later, mate.” He rushed from the apartment as quickly as he could with his legs still shaking and he knew that Chas got off the bed to chase after him but John was out of the building and down the street before he could reach him. 

Only when he was away from him did John let his back fall against the wall behind him and he covered his eyes with his hands and tried to force the images of Chas looking at him from his mind but it didn’t work. He’d been so kind and gentle with him. Why’d he done that? Why did he always treat him like? John didn’t deserve it and Chas should find someone that appreciated his soft looks and comforting presence. 

But John never slept as well as he did when he knew Chas was in the same place as him, even if they weren’t in the same bed and now that he knew what it felt like to sleep with his hand on him he’d never be able to forget, it made everything so much harder. “Fuck!” He was never supposed to care about people, that’s how he fucked them over and how they got hurt and John could already feel darkness taking him over, Chas needed to stay in the light and that meant far away from him. But John wanted him, god, he wanted him again.


End file.
